the past 2 weeks had been hell for me. my health crumpled together with my fav soccer teams, Brazil & England! darn~ the day i was admitted into the hosp was the very same day they lost. how sad life can be huh?
how many times have i been admitted into the hosp? hmm... guess not many pple know that this was the 4th time i stayed in hosp. the 3rd time i had op. though the 2nd was a minor one. each time there was fear. of cos lar, being cut up leh! lolx.
its a mixed feeling. i m so glad that i have so many caring and supportive friends and family. its all those little actions that you pple did make me feel that i am not alone. all these keep me stay positive.
hate staying there. hate the feeling of being of helpless. hate it when my family had to suffer cos of me. hate it for having such lousy health. hate it when everyone has to worry for me. most importantly, hate it when i CANNOT EAT OR DRINK for almost 11days!!!!
oh ya, do you know, food was the only that kept me going in the hosp. haahaa. i wanted to eat, so i opted for the op. after the op, i dreamt of food!! the dreams kept me going. lolx. doc kept telling me that i have to let gas and move my bowels before they could let me eat or free me from those sickening drips.. the drips made both my hands swell like trotters. doc even threatened to put drips thru the vein in my leg if they cant find any in my hands. how bad right??
the very day when i was able to drink water.... darn!! the water was SWEET!!! no joke leh!! den milo was heaven... even plain porridge was like shark fins to me then. lolx!
i thought having able to eat was meant i could go home and everything would be just fine. but no lor. when doc told me i could go home, i was thrilled, followed by fear. how am i going walk from carpark to home, how am i going to the loo, how am i going lie and get out of my bed, how am i going to bath??
in the hosp i kept lying on the bed. the physiotherapist came, got me to sit on a chair on the 3rd day of my op. get out of the bed leh! how painful u know. on the 4th day she said we shall walk, i was like HUH??? how to?? pain leh! moreover, nv eat, no strength. walked around the room once onie, i felt like dying already. fear of pain refrained me from moving around. but the thought of getting out of there was even stronger. so no choice i forced myself to bear the pain. but i requested for stronger pain killer in case i couldnt tahan at home. hee. but so far so gd lar. pain is still there. still cannot stand for more than 5mins. have to sit most of the time. i can feel food moving in my intestine. painful also. sux.
this op made me realised something. it made me stronger. made me realised nothing is impossible as long as i am willing to move the 1st step. all talk/thinking but no action, is nothing. u can be thinking of doing alot of things, having big plans/proposals. but if u never execute it, its just bubble. fear is something that will stop alot of people from taking the 1st step. everyone is happy in their own comfort zone. uncertainty is definitely not a gd feeling. but no pain no gain.
 
Love is not about two persons gazing at each other. It is about two persons looking ahead together in the same direction.
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